i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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