I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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