I need help removing her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
