Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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