How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
