I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you made out with another girl for some wings
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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