I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
