dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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