K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
