Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize