so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
