I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
