I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
