How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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