Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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