What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
