You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
