How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
