So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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