Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
