People in love make me want to vomit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
