She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
