How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize