The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
