hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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