Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well you can't waste a boner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
