Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
