Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
