i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
