im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
