would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
