girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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