she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
