You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
