I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
