Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
