They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
