quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
