This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
