i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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