well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
