Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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