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• (440): View more from Ohio

  And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great

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• (909): View more from California

  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.

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• (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm high. ignore me

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.

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