I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
