I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
