What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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