i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
