Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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