No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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