I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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