im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
