Soap is not a condiment
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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