pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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