White coat. Heels.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
