I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
