but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
