would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
