As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
