I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
cat food counts as protein by the way
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize