we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
