nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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