yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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