I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize