Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
