I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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