the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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