We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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