you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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