Operation Purity has been aborted
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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