hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
