Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize