I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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