I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
