im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
