I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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