i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She bit a glass in half.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
