So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
