just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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