I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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