This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
