i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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